Wake Up, It's Spring!

 Spring forever appears       the soothing music part       of lyrics unspoken. It thaws the frozen fears,       mends the wounded heart       that Winter has broken.  ~Aarno Davidson

Spring forever appears
      the soothing music part
      of lyrics unspoken.
It thaws the frozen fears,
      mends the wounded heart
      that Winter has broken.

~Aarno Davidson

 Every spring is the only spring — a perpetual astonishment.  ~Ellis Peters
Every spring is the only spring — a perpetual astonishment.
~Ellis Peters
 It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.  ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.

~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations


It's just weather, is what I try to remember. Only to spare my poor heart if it doesn't last.

But truly the sun has stirred something in my bones. My stagnant self is awakening, I can breathe again. 

What I mean to say is the promise of spring gives me energy like I haven't had since September and it feels excellent. 

Every year when the earth thaws I feel a release, like snakes uncoiling after months of slowly constricting my chest. I know I'm not alone in this. And even though it comes and goes every year, spring always manages to be a lovely surprise. We've forgotten how kind the elements can be.

Winds that kiss instead of bite. Sunshine that is golden instead of harsh. FLOWERS.

I may be getting ahead of myself here but isn't that what this time of year is for? Beginnings, excitement, starting anew, looking ahead. 

My mind has been all over the place this week, which seems justified now that I think about it. This week my self care has looked like:

  • listening to The Paper Kites - Woodland Album 
  • Running in shorts (oh so grateful) and soaking in the good energy of my teammates // letting my thoughts wander
  • Drinking warm, healing drinks
  • Practicing non-attachment with my belongings
  • Honoring my tired days and motivated days equally
  • Checking myself (supplementary to checking in with myself). Why am I feeling this? Is it necessary? Can I do anything to change it? Will saying _________ help anybody or is it superfluous/rude?
  • Reminding myself that busyness does not have to = stress
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"If the pen

can be mightier than the sword

so must the tree be mightier 

than the axe 

and I, more resilient that the words

I spit at my tender self.

My hands are stained with ink,

that is no different than blood, really."

 

 

 

 

sunday afternoon when the caffeine wears off

 

The cold flows from the windowpane

to my fingertip

finding a home in the maze

of minuscule lines and coils

etched there.

 

I can picture a haze of cold air that hovers between

the glass and the tip of my nose.

I wonder briefly about energy loss,

form my lips and tongue around the words

entropy and thermodynamics.

thermodynamics.

 

I have tried to be kinder to myself

lately.

I am always angry at my body

for doing what bodies do

I try to see my flesh as a canvas or

a friend or

at least something other

than an enemy.

 

I tell myself to look outside and see

that nature is beautiful the way it was created

but then I am distracted by the thin, brittle branches of the trees

black, damp and skeletal without their lush leaf clothing

and my gentle thoughts turn wretched with longing.

 

You

are bullshit.

I tell myself no,

you are magic

I fight back

halfheartedly.

because who

could believe that.

 

and it goes. and it goes.